Pubic Topiary

Let's leave the subject of weight loss for a second and discuss the big picture - other facets that make somebody 'sexy.'

For men, that definition is changing. Thirty years ago, the definition of sexy was big, hairy men with moustaches, like Burt Reynolds and Tom Selleck. These days, men are becoming as bad as women about waxing, shaving and tweezing.

See somebody shed their shirt in a Hollywood flick and the average male moviestar will be as smooth chested as his female co-star. Watch a pornographic movie (I will confess to having done this) and the average stud keeps his tackle waxed, shaved and essentially hairless.

So what's a guy to do?

Well, it's purely academic at the moment. I asked my wifey (despite her probably not being the 'typical woman, since she married me) and she toed the party line, admitting she prefers shaven-chested men. She threw in an exception for men of my portly proportions - 'it looks better if you're hairy when you don't have any muscles.'

So right now, I am keeping my body hair to it's ginger gorilla norm. However, I will have to look into the subject of body hair when I'm closer to having a body I'd be brave enough to expose.

In the mean time, however, there's a topic to consider that doesn't involve a razor, but does perhaps require a pair of scissors.

Now for all my failings (being ginger, pale and chubby) I have at least been blessed with a pretty decent set of masculine equipment. I'm not Long Dong John Holmes by any means - but I'm certainly not ashamed by the contents of my boxer shorts.

However, exposure to reality TV, celebrity sex videos and modern pornography has revealed that my current crotch 'look' is out. The tangled nest of pubes hasn't been 'in' since the mid seventies and even then, I don't think orange was a popular colour for it.

So as 'ongoing maintenance' in Operation Sexy, I have taken to some pubic topiary.

No, don't worry. I'm not turning my ginger hedge into a coiffured animal. But I am trimming it to manageable proportions. A short-back-and-sides, if you will. Trimming my curls from an outrageous two inch bush into a neat, body-hugging quarter-inch crop.

And the amazing thing? Not only does it look neater and more attractive (and hopefully infinitely more edible to my wife) my manhood also looks considerably bigger (and I wasn't too ashamed of it to begin with.)

In addition, the downstairs haircut manages to actually make me look slimmer, by matching the length of the rest of the golden hairs on my flabby body.

So today's Operation Sexy lesson involves getting a pair of scissors and a steady hand (VERY important detail) and keeping your privates and preened as the rest of you.