Masturbation Nation

Since this is an entirely anonymous blog, I can share with you another one of my projects to help me achieve 'Sexy' in 2008.

I'm giving up masturbating.

Now you might ask why a happily married chap like me needs to masturbate anyway?

Well, the truth is that marriage is a marathon, not a sprint, and given that my wife is currently pregnant and in the midst of horrible morning sickness, the last thing she feels like doing is getting kinky with her horny hubby.

So I will admit, I occasionally 'take care' of business myself.

Except it's not really 'occasionally.'

I'm actually surprisingly horny. A lot. So 'occasionally' generally means once in the morning and once in the evening. Which is a lot, really. I mean, it was three times yesterday.

Now, there's long been a theory that masturbation is the number one reason for men's 'lack of sexy.' How does that make sense? Well, let me explain...

The prevelence on online porn means that man doesn't need to make any effort to get his kicks in this day and age. Instead of a single guy going out to a bar to get his sexual thrills, all he needs to do is switch on his computer and wham! Up spring a million sites offering every sexual thrill on a smorgusboard of porn.

Blonds. Brunettes. Fat girls. Thin girls. Midgets. White girls with black guys. Black girls with white guys. Chicks with 'dicks' and gangbangs, creampies, bukkake and the works.

Whatever sexual perversion you could possibly imagine, it's offered to you on the internet.

Which kind of takes the 'thrill' of it away.

Men are meant to be like predators - except with the easy availability of every shade of pornography, we've ended up like caged tigers. Why go out and hunt wildebeast when you can have freshly slaughtered venison served up hot and steaming without having to leave the comfort of your bed?

It turns a tiger into a kitty cat, sure as any collar could.

You see, I think one of the most important aspects of being perceived as 'sexy' is that slightly predatory instinct. It's not something a man should ever act on inappropriately - for example, I'm married and have no desire to go out 'hunting' any woman apart from my wife...

But just as when you go to the zoo, you expect to see a fierce looking tiger, a red-blooded, heterosexual man should still have a bit of hunger left inside him. Not so that he'll ever 'use it,' but it should still be there.

I mean, surely one of the most fundemental aspects of 'being sexy' is meeting a member of the opposite sex and making it clear that - even if it will never happen - hypothetically the two of you could tear each other's clothes off and go at it like a couple of horny animals.

A man who is without desire is effectively neutured... And that's pretty much what internet porn has done to a generation of men.

If your sexual desires are always sated, where's the 'need?' The 'lust?' The burning horniness that identifies you as a man?

I mean, it's got to the stage (I'm ashamed to admit) where it's less trouble to flick on an internet porno of some pretty blond girl getting debased by a tribe of African plainsman than it is to go next door and nuzzle with my receptive wife.

And that's got to stop.

So it's out with the porn. From now on, I'm going to send myself back to the sexual dark ages, where a man had to go out and hunt, catch and devour his own sexual prey.

In this instance, my 'prey' is my wife. But seducing a real, live woman is still more likely to make me 'sexy' than gorging like a fat-cat on the tinned flesh available online.