What have we got to work with?

Men are bloody lucky.

According to the Internet, at least, women are attracted to a million and one aspects of man rather than just their looks. Sure, women have 'phwoar' moments, just like men... But it's the personality aspects I mentioned earlier (status, sense of humour and intelligence) that drive a woman's sense of what's attractive or not - whereas with men it's all about boobs and bums and long, blond hair.

But that's not to say women don't find certain physical characteristics attractive (or not.)

Height, for example, seems to play a big role in things. Women joke about meeting a 'tall, handsome stranger' rather than a short one. Almost universally, women prefer taller men. That goes back to the caveman days, I guess. A taller man was probably stronger and more powerful (and able to reach things on high shelves.)

In a woman's search for the perfect father, a taller man was genetically preferable.

Other things that make a man physically attractive include musculature - women tend to like men with broad shoulders, a muscular chest and narrow hips. Not Arnold Schwarzenegger type muscles - but enough to suggest that this potential sperm-doner could produce offspring who can tackle the woolly mammoths with the best of them.

Isn't it ironic that even after all these years, the measure of a man is still decided by such basic reproductive urges?

The most basic equation, however, seems to be a 'v-shaped' body. Broad shoulders tapering to narrow hips. Just like men find women with an hourglass figure sexy, women like men built like triangles.

So in order to succeed in Operation Sexy, I need to maximise my physical attractiveness.

Now when it comes to the basic ingredients, I'm not doing too badly. I'm fairly tall - six feet even. I'm also lucky enough to have fairly broad shoulders.

But five years of marriage and sedentary lifestyle has made me fairly pudgy.

I'm topping the scale at 190lbs - according to my arbitrary calculations*, I should actually weigh 170lbs. So I'm 20lbs overweight.

Also, I'm disgustingly unfit. I can't run for a bus without my face turning red and getting out of breath.

So I need to shed 20lbs (that's more than a stone) and get some basic athleticism back as a matter of course. That'll make me feel better, look better and - if my calculations are correct - help significantly with my self esteem.

* - in the novel The Saint in New York, the physical description of Simon Templar, my hero and role model, puts him at 175lbs and six feet two. That suggests a weight ration of 2.36lbs per inch. Given that calculation, I should weigh in at almost exactly 170lbs.